I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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