you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
