Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
