I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
