i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
