need another drink. this is the easiest way
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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