I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
