My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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