its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
