is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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