Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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