perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
