Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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