and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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