Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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