Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
