fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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