Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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