I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
