on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
