Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
