You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize