Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
