I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize