my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize