You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
