Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
