So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
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