Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
