I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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