Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
