i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
