weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
there is glitter all over my balls
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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