Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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