its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
