I am puke
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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