You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
