just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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