there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Randomize
