Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
