I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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