i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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