a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
