that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
