weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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