I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
