Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
