Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize