im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
