It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
