We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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