You work out of a Hotel?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
