Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
