So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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