I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
