I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
