ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize