Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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