Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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