Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
