someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
