she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
