i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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