We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize