This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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