I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
