It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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