John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
