So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
