I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
