You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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