every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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