he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
