just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
