Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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