The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
