STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
